Christmas Crown

[Knot]

Hi CRNDLSM.


Firstly, congratulations, quite the achievement.
I did wonder if the form (the Limerick, not the sonnet) made things unnecessarily difficult?


I'll just take on the first two sonnets (for now.)

How do I feel about Christmas this year?

Sipping cold coffee as dawn's drawing near

The weather is warm, a new winter norm,

At least I can say it's cozy in here.

.......... it feels like the conclusion 'cozy' is a little hurried. Might not a bit more time be taken to set the scene? Besides if it's warm outside what does it matter that it's cozy inside?

Also, shouldn't L4 start with a stressed syllable? (Maybe 'with' for 'as' L2?)

Listening to the arhythmic snoring

Some of the voices already warring

I must relax, anxiety attacks

Thunder outside, now the rain is pouring.

.......... who's snoring? Who's awake? and why has the weather changed? (Also arrhythmic)

The stresses are a bit jumbled here (L7 in particular. For me the stress is on I, whereas in L3 is was on WEAther) and that line is also missing a beat.

? I gotta relax, anxiety attacks ?

(but the second part of the line doesn't really follow from the first.)

Later when I go visit my parents

Imagining all the car accidents

Clogging the freeways, ruined holidays

People desperate to maintain traditions.

How do I feel about Christmas this year?

I desperately want my spirit to cheer.

........... you're missing a beat on L10

Visions of multiple pile ups and accidents (?)

and what is 'traditions' supposed to rhyme with?

If you're repeating the 'how to I feel' question, I think you need to address it more directly than you do.

And, perhaps more importantly, that's two desparates in three lines, one's gotta go.

I desperately want my spirit to cheer

Reliving anything that i most fear

As I sip my drink, it's too weak I think

But is it too early to switch to beer?

............. Like L3-4, but I can't follow L1-2. What is being relived and why?

Also, the rhythm is off, again.

I desperately hope that my spirit will cheer

and not be as doleful as it was last year

Happy, sad, angry, emotions are packed

Decorated tree, presents are stacked

My daughter believes that on Christmas eve

Late night radio has Santa's sleigh tracked

......... we know what emotions are, no need to list them. I liked the notion that they (the emotions) might be lurking under the tree like presents, but then you switch focus to the daughter (surely that should be the start of an entirely separate sonnet?)

Am I really celebrating the birth

Of the savior of all people on earth?

Rather scary imagining Mary

Not screaming in pain, but jolly with mirth

Happy, sad, angry, emotions are packed

As a matter of fact it's all an act

........ can't really follow this, feels cluttered.

Best, Knot.