Your Hand I Remember(edit 2)

[Knot]

Hi bryn.

numbering, Not really. I did it to break the poem into it's distinct phases partly to head off people wanting to blend them together too much, if that makes sense.
It does, but you've already set up the idea of 'flitting' so you could probably do without the numbers entirely.

I don't know. without the bucolic location it comes across a little creepy, no?
Even with. What about cutting the line entirely?

your house on Martha Washington

stairs the height of Everest

how me and the cousins we tumbled

again and again playing

octopus, a child’s thrill of wishing

against wishing to be caught.

no image of the smoke curling off the tip of the cigarette?
I think, perhaps, the problem (for me) is having 'hanging' on the same line.

first part tempo, 'ragged' more sound.
Yeah, I just didn't think it worked that well.
How about 'rattled'
Not keen. Is there any alternative to 'breath' at all?
Just a thought ...

The bustle of soft shoed nurses.
Quick to smile, they hustle
tucking blankets and tending pumps
pillows plumped. Comforting.
And all the while the morphine drips
to a regular rhythm.
And I/we wait, wishing
against wishing,
each drop were your last.



Best, Knot


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