Song Lyrics (Hustler)

[Nineninetimes]

Hustler

boy, I'm just your pocket change
wait 'til you're sick of holding me
a million dollars won't buy your smile
and a penny can't buy your thoughts

the most expensive thing is time
I splurge all mine on you
funny, can't afford what we want
wish you wanted me

one day I'll just lie in a gutter
think about value and currency
wish love was priceless, but
I toss 'em too, guess I don't care

I jumped into a wishing well
the bottom never came
wrote desire on a dollar bill
spent it, felt the same
tried to win the lottery
a chance was all I had
there's nothing else you got for me
love is cheap, too bad
such a poor guy, spare me please
I'm so cheap it's sad

---

So I'm not too serious but I do take critiques seriously. I like to make my song lyrics as "sophisticated" as possible. ?

[TranquillityBase]

Hustler

boy, I'm just your pocket change
wait 'til you're sick of holding me
a million dollars won't buy your smile
and a penny can't buy your thoughts    won't

the most expensive thing is time
I splurge all mine on you
funny, can't afford what we want         you
wish you wanted me

one day I'll just lie in a gutter
think about value and currency          something more concrete, "gold and women"
wish love was priceless, but
I toss 'em too, guess I don't care

I jumped into a wishing well
the bottom never came
wrote desire on a dollar bill
spent it, felt the same
tried to win the lottery
a chance was all I had
there's nothing else you got for me
love is cheap, too bad
such a poor guy, spare me please
I'm so cheap it's sad

---

So I'm not too serious but I do take critiques seriously. I like to make my song lyrics as "sophisticated" as possible. ?

I know nothing about writing song lyrics, so keep that in mind as to my above comments.  I assume a song lyric wants to accomplish the same thing as a poem.  The first three stanzas have their own rhythm, then in that last stanza you slip into something very musical.

[Nineninetimes]

Alright, I see where you're going with this. Thanks!