Luna,

[CircleWalker]

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Luna, (tentative edit)

the self absorption 
was inexcusable 

I lost track
of your waxing 
and waning
till my heart was aimless

and look at you--
your best face to the sun

and me
chest deep in dark

forgetting myself

forgetting you

again




Luna, (original)

the self absorption 
was inexcusable 

I lost track
of your waxing 
and waning
till my heart was aimless

look at you
representing the sun
anyway

look at me
embodying guilt

forgetting myself

forgetting you

again

First off, it is wonderfully, yet subtly bold. It grasps me from the very beginning. My only suggestion after the edit you have already done is this …

Instead of “and look at you- -
Maybe consider “now look at you- -

It just might bring it more in the moment. But what do I know?