Luna,
#2
(10-31-2023, 02:05 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Luna,

the self absorption 
was inexcusable 

I lost track
of your waxing 
and waning
till my heart was aimless        very nice opening

look at you
representing the sun            I think another word choice here is called for here; "representing" too abstract;  "standing in for"? or something unexpected
anyway

look at me
embodying guilt

forgetting myself

forgetting you

again
Hi Tiger,

A good one.  A few notes notes above.

TqB
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Luna, - by Tiger the Lion - 10-31-2023, 02:05 PM
RE: Luna, - by TranquillityBase - 10-31-2023, 10:27 PM
RE: Luna, - by rayheinrich - 11-02-2023, 03:10 AM
RE: Luna, - by Lizzie - 11-04-2023, 09:40 AM
RE: Luna, - by brynmawr1 - 11-04-2023, 09:52 AM
RE: Luna, - by Tiger the Lion - 11-18-2023, 02:09 PM
RE: Luna, - by CircleWalker - 11-19-2023, 06:42 PM
RE: Luna, - by Michaelpoet - 03-11-2024, 02:29 AM
RE: Luna, - by Tiger the Lion - 03-11-2024, 06:05 AM
RE: Luna, - by Bunx - 05-28-2024, 02:26 PM



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