All That's Left
#3
(10-30-2023, 10:00 PM)rayheinrich Wrote:  All That’s Left

1 Words my dog taught me
2 shrink night down to a size
3 I can grasp with one hand.
4 With the other I reach out
5 to manipulate free encounters
6 that make the game worth playing
7 because no one is watching
8 where my dog lies sleeping.

L1 and L2, Having dog words shrink night down is an unexpected, compact metaphor
that is both meaningful and pleasing to read.
L5 Just stops my brain. "Manipulate" is awkward. And logically I'm not sure how something
manipulated can be free or maybe that's just saying it's disguised as free?
Then I get to L8 and the dog's sleeping and I suddenly realize the narrative I've built while
reading L1-7 is wrong and I don't understand what's happening.
Maybe that's just me or maybe some clarification is needed.
Thanks Ray.

Yes "manipulate" is a problem.  I've been playing this this for a couple or three weeks and just wanted to get something out there (here) to get ideas on how to proceed. Clarification: I doubt it's just you.

TqB
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Messages In This Thread
All That's Left - by TranquillityBase - 10-30-2023, 09:17 PM
RE: All That's Left - by rayheinrich - 10-30-2023, 10:00 PM
RE: All That's Left - by TranquillityBase - 10-30-2023, 10:08 PM
RE: All That's Left - by Lizzie - 10-31-2023, 03:46 AM
RE: All That's Left - by Fearful Symmetry - 10-31-2023, 06:52 AM
RE: All That's Left - by TranquillityBase - 10-31-2023, 09:14 AM
RE: All That's Left - by Wjames - 10-31-2023, 02:30 PM



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