Ruminations on the Sea(more tweaks)

[brynmawr1]

This is an original idea -- we always think of the moon and the tides as linked, but putting the tragic love story in there is great. What keeps this one from being epic in my mind is the absence of meter or a basic rhyme scheme (doesn't have to be end rhyme). Even more assonance would help. Content here is great, but meter would put it over the top. Probably iambs because that one is gentle and unobtrusive. 

One trick that free-versers will frequently do is to put a rhyme 3 or 4 lines back from the final line. Helps give a sense of closure at the end. Slant/partial rhyme works well so it doesn't draw too much attention to itself. 

Hope this helps,

Lizzie

Thanks Lizzie.  I am not very experienced in working in strict meter and have trouble following which syllable is stressed as I am writing.  I might have better luck going for more sonic rhythm.  Always more to learn!
Thanks,
Steve

---

Ruminations on the Sea
 
How I admire your singularity
of purpose; your timeless hurling
against rock and sand and I wonder
 
is it only the whip of a goading wind
that quickens your curling hands
to pummel these innocent shores?
 
For I hear within your malevolent roar
the counter rhyme of your retreating sigh;
the curse of forever
 
chasing the Moon’s cold heart
that spurs you in your surge
first in her coming, again as she goes.

Very clever
The tides.
At first, I was bothered by all the anthropomorphising that made it sound archaic, but I think it fits the poem

Hi Busker,
Thanks for reading and commenting.  I am a couple decades behind in my reading so don't really know the styles of different eras.  For better or worse, this seems to be the tone that comes out most often for me.  Besides, I thought personification was on of the devices in our toolbox.
Anyway, glad you liked it.
steve