Cherub, chimera (v1.0 knot, TqB, Rowens)

[Knot]

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Hi Busker,
enjoyed the read.
Couple of nits.




Cherub, chimera


Cherub, chimera,
whatever you were - .... I like the line, but doesn't it clash with 'Dante's immortal'?
an angelic thing
or fire breathing dragon ......... don't think these lines quite work ('thing' after L2 seems unnecessary, and it doesn't contrast well with the specifics of fire breathing dragon (and if 'fire breathing necessary'?)
upon me, a mortal - ......... I'd cut this, it doesn't add, and rather obstructs.
I remember your wings.


The black sepulchre ....... do you need this? Because the next bit ('your sight's ...) is teriffic
non-being’s eternal,
but your sight’s a spring
of light in the darkness,


winter’s moon. You bring
a parade of faces
from old, familiar places ...... that faces/places rhyme really intrudes (and 'old, familiar places' is a tad old and familiar, isn't it?)
and days on the brink
of being forgotten,
Dante’s immortal - .............. Might this not make a better title?
I remember your wings. ...... like the repetition, strong ending.




Best, Knot


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