Beware the Mall

[TranquillityBase]

Seeking a critique. 


Beneath the glaring lights of bustling shopping centres,
vendors shout and hawk their wares, a cacophony of noise.
I cannot help but feel assaulted by their words,
wishing they'd quiet down and simply take my money.
 
My eyes scan the shelves, the garish neon colours
vaporizing like laser beams, too bright and too much.
Cheap plastic trinkets and metallic junk,
a promise of a gaming console among them.
 
But now I am too old, no longer a child,
and the console's allure fades like a mirage.
 
Trotting through malls, I feel a growing unease,
watching shoppers slide past exit posts,
their disregard for law is a palpable thing.  what does it feel like?
 
I wonder what their thoughts are, their motives,
as they pocket stolen items with a casualness
that speaks of a deeper disregard for society.  this is more prose than poetry
 
The whispers of ignorance and trust mingle in my mind,
casting doubt on our shared humanity.
 
What are we made of, I wonder,
atoms and greed and avarice?
 
If humans steal, what's the point of currency,
of laws, of authority?
 
The system is corrupted, cracks in its foundation
widening with each act of theft and moral decay.
 
Beware the gatherers, too,
those who cluster in huddles like Pocky sticks,
their conversations a buzz of white noise,
distracting and intrusive.
 
Kids shout and laugh outside, taking their time
to spark outrage and morph others into volcanoes
of anger and frustration.
 
As they outrageously steal, the mall seems like a microcosm
of a larger world, where the corrupt and the deceitful
reign supreme.  also too much like prose
 
Beware the mall, I remind myself,
its bright lights and false promises masking a darker truth.  what is that truth?  what are we supposed to take from this?

As Mark said, ask the mods to move this to one of the critique forums to get a better shot at detailed crtiques.

I'll just say, I think the poem really begins at stanza 4.  And it should start with you seeing someone do the shoplifting (that does come a bit later, but just the fact they are "sliding past exit posts" doesn't reveal that, at least to me.  Maybe if they were doing it in a furtive manner.....or something.)

There are some nice descriptions, but the lecturing gets in the way.  Highlighted my favorite bits.