Sun-ripening [edit, title change]

[Wjames]

Sun-ripening


Tomatoes left out
in a sunny room
stay bright and flavorful; Strong opening

those refrigerated
lose their sweetness
rot and shrink away. 

Remaining fresh
demands not coolness
but incessant ripening.

Unintuitive


Tomatoes left out
in a sunny room
stay bright and flavorful
while those refrigerated
lose their sweetness
rot and shrink away.

Just so with Man:
remaining fresh
demands not coolness
but incessant ripening.

Back from a slightly nasty bout of COVID, presumably the latest whiz-bang Omicron SBB 1.5.  Only the finest!

I think you have something good here - but the title lets it down a bit. I think you could use the title to create a metaphor that adds to the feeling of the poem. The body text of the poem is already clearly about fruit ripening in the sun - the title could be used to create abstractions where maybe there's more of an impact. It seems to me that Tomatoes are clearly a metaphor for people. What is the sun? What is the refrigerator? The title implies they are just the sun and the refrigerator and nothing more - if there is more context, it would improve it in my opinion.