Prerecorded

[Semicircle]

Windows swung open                   
to the rain,
cats wander the house
yowling at the unforeseen,
distant train passes              It could be the echoes of a train. Train echoes pass?
through weather
I cannot see.      The rhyme of unforeseen and see is weak. I would consider rewording.

Traffic sounds intrude           I read this as "interlude" since you have an orchestra going on here. This would also align with original sin in the next line.
like original sin,
birdsong redeems
the lightening sky,                Brightening would work better. I thought the sky was still lightninging, to put it stupidly.
cow-pen daisies
materialize
inside my eyes,
I say goodbye
on a keyboard of lies.

I thought the monorhyme in S2 was too much, but since this is a more upbeat poem, I would chalk it up to excitement. It got me pumped.

A lot of the events seemed cause-effecty and didn't lead into each other fluidlike.

Distant train and traffic sounds are bland. Exaggerate em' a little

Happy autumn!
Sc