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music is to the mind what earth is to flowers
what you might find in a Prill showers
each bud springing from the earth a new flower
the trees and branches in discordant harmony
to the predestined mind
as your soul unwinds
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I know you've commented on several poems in other forums, but to post in the critical forums (basic, mild, intensive) you need to share critiques of other poems in the same forum, more than a comment, read other critiques and put some effort into it and people will come help with this poem
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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(10-15-2022, 07:51 PM)EAGLES 28 Wrote: music is to the mind what earth is to flowers
what you might find in a Prill showers do you mean April? anyway, April showers is a little cliche, maybe Spring showers?
each bud springing from the earth a new flower
the trees and branches in discordant harmony I'm of two minds about this. I guess you can have "discordant harmony", but it also verges on cancelling itself out as a phrase
to the predestined mind
as your soul unwind these last two lines are what make the poem for me, but it should be "unwinds"; it doesn't have to be a perfect rhyme to work
