The Begetting

[Poetry In Motion]

Help me win the war my brothers.
We fight to live and die for change.
I hope this ballad can show its range
Persevere and thwart evil others.       Does this line refer back to the "ballad" or to the "brothers"?  It's unclear to me.

The sound of shrieks and little groans
from immature girls and moody boys.
As you do not have any choice.        Again, I'm a bit confused if "you" here is referring to the "boys and girls" or to the fighters.
of a war bringing a sea of bones.   Vivid image, but awkwardly phrased.  Maybe "in a war...."?  from a war....?
 
As these lads oh brash and young.
Teens and fools we weep and say.
‘Give into words, heed our advances today!’
Plunge through pain, we are The Sons.
 
It’s a name we rightfully call ourselves.
To form a clan and gather men.
To storm the Gates of Monkeys and Wrens.    A very arresting image
A world where love can ring its bell.              Seems to me the first three lines should not be full stops, but commas
 
If we lose, we’ll surrender our love
for the wisest Rinpoche of all the land.         Had to look up rinpoche and assumed it was a proper name; "incarnate lama" might work better
His name is freedom, he’s by a cliff above.   on?
As in our skull we stand, reprimand.            reprimanded?  otherwise it doesn't seem grammatically correct

PIM,

You've got a the makings of an interesting, semi-mythological (the Gates of Monkeys and Wrens.....the Rinpoche) poem here.  Was that what you were going for?  It seems to start out as an anti-war statement, then glides into.....something else.

TqB 

Thank you very much! That was what I was going for yes, it was supposed to be a Buddhist poem. A semi-mythological type of piece yes.