Central Park Morning (edit)
#10
(08-20-2022, 03:03 PM)busker Wrote:  
(08-17-2022, 10:07 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  Summer bored, with heat and humidity on vacation,
a burnt orange Buddhist stands at our path’s bifurcation.. the saffron robes, the tanned, orange brown skin...and the enigmatic bifurcation
Face leathered with wisdom,  he offers gold medallions .... goes well with the 'burnt orange'. Could be marigolds. Works.
his silence doing the talking.  We flow like cool water ....a nice contrast to the heat and humidity
following its course to the glow of a seventies sun, ....probably because of the buddhist...but orange...gold....sun is a good progression
Ms. Gaynor proclaiming both she and disco will survive.
We watch children play soccer in a dance of Brownian motion ....my favourite line here
and the multitude diffuse tethered to the companion ... fine and accurate
of their choosing. None but we notice the shadow 
of the falling leaf, a simple grey-scale butterfly ....good detail
fervently following its sure path to lie with its maker.
This is a very well done 'slice of life' poem.
I wasn't expecting 'its maker' at the end, and that spoiled the poem a little bit for me, because while the rest of the poem is all about neutral observation, this last word suddenly introduces an element of belief without the groundwork being laid.
Loved everything else, particularly the parts in bold above - these are original, fine images.
Hi Busker,
Glad you liked (most of) the poem.  I see your point about the religious connotation of the last line.  I found it interesting because it is really a literal description with the spritual being the double meaning here.  I tried to soften it after TqB's comments.  I will give it some more thought, maybe "join its maker"?  One of the main contrasts I was trying to illuminate is that between the milling about/unordered movement of the other characters (including the narrator to a degree) and the singular movement of the shadow.  To what end, I am not entirely sure, another layer of the onion to consider.
Thanks again for your nice words and insight.
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Messages In This Thread
Central Park Morning (edit) - by brynmawr1 - 08-17-2022, 10:07 AM
RE: The Serenity of Central Park (edit) - by brynmawr1 - 08-21-2022, 02:00 AM



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