08-17-2022, 09:56 PM
(08-17-2022, 10:07 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote: Summer bored, with heat and humidity on vacation,This one is really packed with piquant observation; good job.
a burnt orange Buddhist stands at our path’s bifurcation.
Face leathered with wisdom, he offers gold medallions
but his silence does the talking. We flow like cool water
following its course to the glow of a seventies sun,
Ms. Gaynor proclaiming both she and disco will survive.
Children play soccer in a dance of Brownian motion
and the multitude diffuse tethered to the companion
of their choosing; none could be as serene as the shadow
of a falling leaf, a grey-scale butterfly fluttering
fervently, following its sure path to meet its maker.
Three things I wasn't sure about: "Brownian motion" I don't know how to interpret; is the "none" in line 9 meant to refer to all the previous observations? I think only the Buddhist and the "We flow like...." line would be what I'd see as serene; the children playing soccer would be in noisy motion. Finally, I think "meet its maker" in last line is too cliche.
Tim