08-10-2022, 10:14 PM
(08-10-2022, 03:55 PM)בַּרְזֶל Wrote:Hi,
Rough barked oaks stand
ordered, in silence.
Hearts break by degrees touching three thousand names
etched into the margin.
Water cascades down granite walls, tears of a nation, the world
into a hole that
cannot be filled.
This wonderfully constructed yet ever so tragic poetic rendering, captures the weathering of the many rainy winter seasons of time upon the tombs of the unknown soldiers who have died for the freedoms we ALL take for granted today. Well done Poet.
In my humble opinion this poem is ready for submission to any publication in any Veterans Journal around the world.
Consider "etched into the margins" Plural, potentially more internationally all encompassing. Also "Waters" Plural. Tears of nations the world over. into holes that can never be filled etc. I love your poem very much.
Maybe "Oaks" deserves a capital?
Thank you for your kind words. I do like your suggestion about "waters". Not sure about the publishing part! Welcome to pigpen.
bryn