Kingdom of the Sun(new title and edit)

[brynmawr1]

Follow the Sun

 

My steaming mug of patio peace, bittered 

by chore’s nagging to get on with my day.

 

The rising sun something else to say,

whispers in my ear, “stay …,

 

Watch the regent, orange and black,

flutter by, in conversation with the wind.

 

Admire the languid hunter,

returned from his nightly prowls.

 

Remember the dapper gents,

their yellow hats now stowed away.

 

Listen to courtesans’ secrets under verdant eaves

as the choir sing their morning lullabies.

 

Be intoxicated by perfumed maidens,

splendent in star-white bonnets.

 

Pity their chitinous footmen tending every need,

dutifully abstaining from the pageantry.

 

Laugh at the blue vested jester scolding

all from his woodsy perch.”

 

Reluctantly, I leave the sun to its reveries,
mug empty in the sink.
 

OK, I was all set to whine about liking the light heartedness of the original, but it's there in this version too.  Hooray.  I do miss some of the language, especially about the cat.  

One thing I would say is "bittered/by chore's nagging..." seems awkward.  And did you mean chore singular.  Before it was more universal.

TqB

Hey TqB,

I'm glad you like this version.  I, too, miss some of the language.  I have struggled with edits and what to leave out as much has pros and cons.  Thanks for picking up on the "chore" issue. I will make it plural.  I have also come up with a different ending.  I also struggle with the opening lines but a change eludes me for now.