05-27-2022, 06:26 AM
(05-27-2022, 04:03 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote:(05-26-2022, 11:32 PM)brynmawr1 Wrote: Dapper gentsThis might work best as a monostitch: a title, then a single line.
in yellow hats
dance for the sun
while they can.
It would help the short ‘a’ and ‘e’ sounds stand out.
I think ‘daffodils’, plural, as described by the plurals ‘gents’ and ‘hats’.
Daffodils
Dapper gents in yellow hats
(05-26-2022, 11:32 PM)brynmawr1 Wrote: Dapper gentsThis might work best as a monostitch: a title, then a single line.
in yellow hats
dance for the sun
while they can.
It would help the short ‘a’ and ‘e’ sounds stand out.
I think ‘daffodils’, plural, as described by the plurals ‘gents’ and ‘hats’.
Daffodils
Dapper gents in yellow hats
With another look I see, that within (10) syllables you would have an incredible (9) vowel 'matches' !:
The short 'a' (3), 'e' (2), and 'i' (2) sounds, as well as (2) more with a long 'o'. Look at me the accidental poet!
Interesting, as well, that the /- trochee accents fall right in line: dapper gents in yellow hats
Even the title works out, daffodils Since readers pause at the line break, an unstressed syllable is implied.
I agree with the plural daffodils. I'll give it one more try to make a longer poem more interesting. Thanks for all of your attention.
Daffodils,
Dapper gents in yellow hats
prefer verdant pants,
flirt with bees to
shun a jealous sun.

