Street Song
#3
(05-23-2022, 11:58 PM)Semicircle Wrote:  
(05-23-2022, 11:40 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  This empty street
oblique, as any creature
shuns dark  shunning dark
for a sum of light and chance.   "For a chance of light"

Quick as a highway of bones   How is a highway quick? Surely the cars on it are.
its opaque hour is a paradigm:  "opaque hour" seems kind of clunky
a handful of stars
in the belly of a naked ghost.  "digesting in the stomach of a ghost"
Red text could be removed. 

Thanks for the read, 
sc.
Some good calls here SC.  Thanks.
I was using quick in its other meaning as "alive".  But I'm seeing the second stanza does not clearly relate to the first.
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Messages In This Thread
Street Song - by TranquillityBase - 05-23-2022, 11:40 PM
RE: Street Song - by Semicircle - 05-23-2022, 11:58 PM
RE: Street Song - by TranquillityBase - 05-24-2022, 12:09 AM



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