Poetry Forum - Street Song

This empty street
shuns dark
for a sum of light and chance,
quick but opaque
a handful of stars
in the entrails of a naked ghost.

(05-23-2022, 11:40 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote: [ -> ]This empty street
oblique, as any creature
shuns dark shunning dark
for a sum of light and chance. "For a chance of light"

Quick as a highway of bones How is a highway quick? Surely the cars on it are.
its opaque hour is a paradigm: "opaque hour" seems kind of clunky
a handful of stars
in the belly of a naked ghost. "digesting in the stomach of a ghost"

Red text could be removed.

Thanks for the read,
sc.

(05-23-2022, 11:58 PM)Semicircle Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-23-2022, 11:40 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote: [ -> ]This empty street
oblique, as any creature
shuns dark shunning dark
for a sum of light and chance. "For a chance of light"

Quick as a highway of bones How is a highway quick? Surely the cars on it are.
its opaque hour is a paradigm: "opaque hour" seems kind of clunky
a handful of stars
in the belly of a naked ghost. "digesting in the stomach of a ghost"

Red text could be removed.

Thanks for the read,
sc.

Some good calls here SC. Thanks.
I was using quick in its other meaning as "alive". But I'm seeing the second stanza does not clearly relate to the first.