02-16-2022, 05:36 AM
Hey semi-
Ending the line on “cock” with a period completely changed this piece. You can see that, right?
Get rid of the period and start the next line with a lowercase “w”.
Also, the empty nest still has eggs in it- you need to replace “empty” with a new adjective.
Where I come from it’s called a bird bath, but maybe not, where you’re from.
Don’t try to please me by accepting my suggestions without thinking them through.
Do try to be accurate in how you describe things in a poem like this.
Also, if you use punctuation, then try to use it consistently.
Likewise, if you eliminate words like “the” and “this”, do so consistently- where it makes sense.
Mark
Ending the line on “cock” with a period completely changed this piece. You can see that, right?
Get rid of the period and start the next line with a lowercase “w”.
Also, the empty nest still has eggs in it- you need to replace “empty” with a new adjective.
Where I come from it’s called a bird bath, but maybe not, where you’re from.
Don’t try to please me by accepting my suggestions without thinking them through.
Do try to be accurate in how you describe things in a poem like this.
Also, if you use punctuation, then try to use it consistently.
Likewise, if you eliminate words like “the” and “this”, do so consistently- where it makes sense.
Mark