Draft 2: I Am We

[tribaltea33]

As the sun must set,
so must our shadows in the east amalgamate into night. I find "east amalgamate into" could read easier. Or perhaps the sentence is too long.

So carry me across the stars and to the edge of space,
as we debride and salve the necrosis of empire.
Hold me to account for actions and beliefs that aim the gun at you;
and, as the months slip into moments and moments into graves, 
I will carry you to the edge of time, 
across the rotting shell of this giant turtle, love this imagery
when the smoke has charred our lungs.
You can pretend that you are still asleep and we have both arrived home,
but let us radiate familiar warmth for each other, I can feel the warmth here
and I will bear you longer so you would not have to pretend.

As the skyline bleeds,
let our shadows in the east amalgamate into night. This sentence reads easier than the second

Draft 1: I Am We

As the sun must set, so must our shadows

in the east amalgamate into night.

So carry me across the stars and to

the edge of space, as we debride and salve

the necrosis of empire. And

as the months slip into moments

and moments slip into graves,

I will carry you to the edge of time,

across the rotting shell of this giant turtle,

when the smoke has charred our lungs.

You can pretend that you are still asleep

and we have both arrived home,

but let us radiate familiar warmth

for each other, from the bread and meat

in our stomachs, so I can bear you longer

and you do not have to pretend.

And I will supply your rounds as long

as you can hold me to account for thoughts

and actions that aim the gun at you.

As the skyline bleeds, let our shadows

in the east amalgamate into night.

This is my first critique so I have a lot to learn. I really drifted away with some of the imagery in this.