11-03-2021, 05:05 AM
In each card shuffled with scented confustion - I think that confusion may be spelled wrong, but that could be intentional. Also, this poem is about planting and harvesting/industrialization, so I am unsure why it starts on the image of cards/chance, but there could be something I'm not getting.
you deliver the sacred tree - I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but this makes me think of adam's apple in the garden of eden.
with new time
appointed by the stars * ** **** * *** * ** ***** *** * * - I think the stars are a cool addition! I would consider incorporating them into the words of the poem, or using them as a running theme so they don't just appear on this line.
to cover the hemi - sphere
of the ancient scroll - There are a lot of cool images used, but I have a hard time piecing them together. That could just be me, though!
the seed purchased land
growing up turbines
of plump, round and pregnant disposition
sun- touched and aimless
oh fruits of jupiter
or moses cactii
Anatoth riding out
gleams of Mercurial sea foam cucumber
and de - canted canteloupe
decanted, sideways, - Here the poem seems to speed up as I read it, and that works very well! I love these lines.
like jacob crying potatoes\ - Is the \ intentional?
into the jibbed soil
the moon ladder carrying aquarius
and buckets of apples
turned into hard cider - I love how this image ties the poem together! It works really well.
I hope this is helpful!
you deliver the sacred tree - I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but this makes me think of adam's apple in the garden of eden.
with new time
appointed by the stars * ** **** * *** * ** ***** *** * * - I think the stars are a cool addition! I would consider incorporating them into the words of the poem, or using them as a running theme so they don't just appear on this line.
to cover the hemi - sphere
of the ancient scroll - There are a lot of cool images used, but I have a hard time piecing them together. That could just be me, though!
the seed purchased land
growing up turbines
of plump, round and pregnant disposition
sun- touched and aimless
oh fruits of jupiter
or moses cactii
Anatoth riding out
gleams of Mercurial sea foam cucumber
and de - canted canteloupe
decanted, sideways, - Here the poem seems to speed up as I read it, and that works very well! I love these lines.
like jacob crying potatoes\ - Is the \ intentional?
into the jibbed soil
the moon ladder carrying aquarius
and buckets of apples
turned into hard cider - I love how this image ties the poem together! It works really well.
I hope this is helpful!