10-15-2021, 07:41 AM
I like the ending, with its rhyming couplet
A few thoughts:
1) there’s no need to explain your poem. The preface at the start does just that. Yes, it’s apparent that you aren’t referring to the real daughter of Caelus. It’s an allusion and a stand in for someone else
2) you might want to cut down on the abstractions and cliches - “bountiful”, “celestial”, “glint with radiance”, “corners of their soul” etc
But a good effort overall.
Thanks for posting.
A few thoughts:
1) there’s no need to explain your poem. The preface at the start does just that. Yes, it’s apparent that you aren’t referring to the real daughter of Caelus. It’s an allusion and a stand in for someone else
2) you might want to cut down on the abstractions and cliches - “bountiful”, “celestial”, “glint with radiance”, “corners of their soul” etc
But a good effort overall.
Thanks for posting.