09-20-2021, 09:28 AM
(09-20-2021, 04:44 AM)ISawASpaceship Wrote: <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } -->Otherwize, I quite liked your poem
I shut down.
I breakdown.
I stop dead in my tracks,
fast.
As my sanity slowly drains
I turn to you,
my source of comfort,
my heart and my soul,
the one who can understand
these aching bones
and emotionally heal me
making me free,
taking the threads,
unthreaded,
and winding them back
and weaving in peace.
I am unworthy of any affection,
any connection.
Who you are
is utter perfection. The use of utter right here is unessasary and cliche
I am undone by your presence,
your essence,
alone in your solace
is where I build my terrace. It seems here that you are just trying to find a word that rhymes with essence. I think this line could be used better.
My safe space,
my hideaway,
the place at the end of the day
I can say
I'm never happier to be anywhere
but here
because I want to be nowhere but here
in your arms,
invaded by your charms,
held close
and wrapped in the moon's light
that burns through the night
like a beacon that is guiding my flight.
Look.
See.
Understand.
You are my haven.
You are my heaven.
I'm glad that you happened to me.
