Activist Now

[Valerie Please]

That grand Victorian house in
Inman park, at the corner of Euclid and Elizabeth,
with the big, wrap-around porch and the teak settee and the pointed tower
in Rembrandt Ruby 
(from the Sherwin Williams historical paint line, SW 0033)
where heirloom rose balsam 
(ethically-sourced and admired for its stunning hues)
curls and caresses Signs of Justice 
(visual displays of solidarity, align with our mission and get massive savings today).

“We Believe”
“Black Lives Matter”
“#together”
The painted fists
in a palette of diversity
speaking mute truth to power 
from behind the black bars 
of the wrought iron fence
and the heavy gate that is shut.

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Valerie P, good to see you. A couple little things. 

That grand Victorian house in
Inman park, at the corner of Euclid and Elizabeth,
with the big, wrap-around porch and the teak settee and the pointed tower
in Rembrandt Ruby not a fan of the endwords in this first section. Would prefer house, corner and porch as breaks
(from the Sherwin Williams historical paint line, SW 0033)
where heirloom rose balsam 
(ethically-sourced and admired for its stunning hues)
curls and caresses Signs of Justice 
(visual displays of solidarity, align with our mission and get massive savings today).

“We Believe”
“Black Lives Matter”
“#together”
The painted fists
in a palette of diversity
speaking mute truth to power 
from behind the black bars 
of the wrought iron fence
and the heavy gate that is shut.

I wonder if footnotes might work better than parentheses for pace. I'm sure you have weighed that already but for me it  slows the immediacy of the subject matter. It's a tough one because I can also see why it belongs in the body of the thing.
Welcome back

[TranquillityBase]

Hey Valerie P, good to see you. A couple little things. 

That grand Victorian house in
Inman park, at the corner of Euclid and Elizabeth,
with the big, wrap-around porch and the teak settee and the pointed tower
in Rembrandt Ruby not a fan of the endwords in this first section. Would prefer house, corner and porch as breaks
(from the Sherwin Williams historical paint line, SW 0033)
where heirloom rose balsam 
(ethically-sourced and admired for its stunning hues)
curls and caresses Signs of Justice 
(visual displays of solidarity, align with our mission and get massive savings today).

“We Believe”
“Black Lives Matter”
“#together”
The painted fists
in a palette of diversity
speaking mute truth to power 
from behind the black bars 
of the wrought iron fence
and the heavy gate that is shut.

I wonder if footnotes might work better than parentheses for pace. I'm sure you have weighed that already but for me it  slows the immediacy of the subject matter. It's a tough one because I can also see why it belongs in the body of the thing.
Welcome back

I personally like the idea of footnotes for the italicized lines.  It's a short poem; they would just be an eye-glance away.

Barring that, I'd say drop the parentheses and italics and make those lines equal members of the poem.  I don't quite get the "and get massive savings today" linked to the justice signs.

[Valerie Please]

Actually I just typed it up on my phone while out with my dog and threw it up here, so formatting notes are appreciated. Thanks for the read!

Hey Valerie P, good to see you. A couple little things. 

That grand Victorian house in
Inman park, at the corner of Euclid and Elizabeth,
with the big, wrap-around porch and the teak settee and the pointed tower
in Rembrandt Ruby not a fan of the endwords in this first section. Would prefer house, corner and porch as breaks
(from the Sherwin Williams historical paint line, SW 0033)
where heirloom rose balsam 
(ethically-sourced and admired for its stunning hues)
curls and caresses Signs of Justice 
(visual displays of solidarity, align with our mission and get massive savings today).

“We Believe”
“Black Lives Matter”
“#together”
The painted fists
in a palette of diversity
speaking mute truth to power 
from behind the black bars 
of the wrought iron fence
and the heavy gate that is shut.

I wonder if footnotes might work better than parentheses for pace. I'm sure you have weighed that already but for me it  slows the immediacy of the subject matter. It's a tough one because I can also see why it belongs in the body of the thing.
Welcome back

---

That line actually came straight from signsofjustice.com. If you visit you might get that as a pop-up. It’s basically their way of getting you to sign up for their email list and it was exactly the absurd mix of commerce and virtue signaling that’s in style now.

Hey Valerie P, good to see you. A couple little things. 

That grand Victorian house in
Inman park, at the corner of Euclid and Elizabeth,
with the big, wrap-around porch and the teak settee and the pointed tower
in Rembrandt Ruby not a fan of the endwords in this first section. Would prefer house, corner and porch as breaks
(from the Sherwin Williams historical paint line, SW 0033)
where heirloom rose balsam 
(ethically-sourced and admired for its stunning hues)
curls and caresses Signs of Justice 
(visual displays of solidarity, align with our mission and get massive savings today).

“We Believe”
“Black Lives Matter”
“#together”
The painted fists
in a palette of diversity
speaking mute truth to power 
from behind the black bars 
of the wrought iron fence
and the heavy gate that is shut.

I wonder if footnotes might work better than parentheses for pace. I'm sure you have weighed that already but for me it  slows the immediacy of the subject matter. It's a tough one because I can also see why it belongs in the body of the thing.
Welcome back

I personally like the idea of footnotes for the italicized lines.  It's a short poem; they would just be an eye-glance away.

Barring that, I'd say drop the parentheses and italics and make those lines equal members of the poem.  I don't quite get the "and get massive savings today" linked to the justice signs.

[TranquillityBase]

Valerie,

Thanks for explaining.  I do like the immediacy of the poem.  And the addenda.  It's figuring out how to combine them.

TqB