07-15-2021, 10:29 PM
(07-13-2021, 01:05 PM)Poetry In Motion Wrote: Given the chance I would have with Freud, this line seems unnecessary, since the title tells us who "he" is.PIM,
Perhaps he would be so kind as not to laugh.
The man would sit there motionless, eyeing his book
like it was a newspaper, the man is brave. what about the previous observation makes him brave?
Since I felt like wandering around the room, his paintings "I wandered"
and Francis Bacon art were intimidating. maybe describe or specify the paintings, and what would Francis Bacon art be?
And since I found him looking like a shark
with that jawbone hanging out there like a hook.
It seems as my therapist is too preoccupied with books.
He tries to talk to me with a smile and with deep breaths.
(At least he notices me) like he was going to asphyxiate.
Something about his breathing made me sick.
Yet I continued to speak about my problems. it would be more effective to specify those problems
The man looked like he was going to say something.
But stuttered the whole time—this could not be true.
I thought Freud was a flawless human being. flawless human being is a bit much; "flawless physician of the mind" is more what I think you mean or something like that.
I thought he was someone I could trust.
The man had to be smart: he was Freud after all.
I hoped the horse-shaped man that he was
was something I can look up to. you aren't there to admire him, but to be cured, right?
After all, he was someone special, someone bright.
The man told me about his book The Interpretation of Dreams. He
Yet I wanted to know if he was someone I can trust.
Can I trust him?
I feel like I can’t. The poem sort of peters out at the end.
I'm a big Freud fan so I've been wanting to write about this poem. This reads like someone telling me of a dream they had about Freud. I very much enjoyed that aspect of it. Hope my suggestions are a little helpful. But it really needs a stronger, more surprising ending.
TqB