Songs of Sacrifice

[Poetry In Motion]

I.
Divine captive, I climb
the pyramid’s steps
amid drumbeats of 
silent witness.
Spread eagle on the altar
I see the sun rise
like a stone knife.
The ritual of killing 
anoints my fear
as feathered, bloodstained priests
hold high my flint-cut heart 
for Tlaloc’s satisfaction.
Ashes of muscle and blood
rise in sweetened smoke
to please the god.

My face is painted blue,
my mutilated body, buried 
beneath seeds
that will bind me to the sky.

II.

Emptied by sleep
I wander the parallels
of rain-skinned streets
a kingdom come
where the gods 
must sometimes weep.
My egypt heart is legion
and night is a hunger
slit sideways;
after fire and glad slavery
flesh becomes ashes
to resurrect sacrifice
and paralyze the divine:
insect eyes flicker
about the edges
of my knifing veins.
Dreams hold me still
to measure out dawn’s
mute warning
that I need wait no longer
for the killing to begin.

Night is a hunger

slit sideways;



My ghost wanders in parallel

the rain-skinned streets

punctuated by the stone temples

of a kingdom come.



After fire and glad slavery

ashes of muscle and blood

rise in sweetened smoke

to paralyze the gods:

their insect eyes 

flicker at the edges

of my knifing veins.



My tribal heart is legion

Its beats measure out

a dance for the naked messengers,

feathered, bloodstained priests

who held high my stone-cut heart 

for Tlaloc’s sky-borne satisfaction.



My tears are the rain to come,

my face will be painted blue

my body buried beneath the seeds

that will bind me to the sky.












My egypt heart is legion

to the lamb kill that dark is.



Night is a hunger

slit sideways;

after fire and glad slavery

ashes of muscle and blood

rise in the smoke of sacrifice

to paralyze the gods:

their insect eyes 

flicker about the edges

of my knifing veins.



Emptied by sleep

I wander in parallel

the rain-skinned tenement streets

of their kingdom come.



Within these walls

that collapse in every dream

and crush the breath

from their naked messengers

the gods must sometimes sleep.

Well I find that this poem is rather interesting but there are so many flaws in this piece that I cannot comprehend or even need to do any analyzing since most of it was done for me. I hope that my critique is helpful at least. I will echo what everyone else has said. Despite that the poem is beautifully rendered and has some nice imagery here and there. I like the ascension of getting from one pyramid to another. And the fact that you say you want the killing to begin which is what the whole vocal point of poem is about.

This is insufficient critique for this forum. 
—admin.