dis/associate

[Bunx]

the mists have come,
cattle-minded and dull.    Could get rid of the "and"
the fog obscures street signs. i,
day drunk without my drink, Maybe use "a" instead of "my" to avoid repetition
struggle to make my eyes focus,
forget where i am,
stumble and pull myself  Perhaps lose the and and turn pull in pulling
along the rock walls.
i slip off my shoes, press my soles
to the chilling pavement. 

a girl, in the silence
of four thirty in the afternoon.  love these two lines
a lady in waiting - 
i am not. a lady in dread.
here, there. neither here
nor there. a bird sings.
it could be anywhere.
the bird was blue,
or maybe red,
or maybe there was no bird.  Chefs kiss so good

i do not enjoy this
half-boiled beggars call,
cup shaking between my hands.
a penny, an alm, a blessing.
my cotton-lined eyelids 
turn to wool.
each night, this
incessant itch and i push 
my palms against the walls
but they never tremble
at my touch.

i am clenched-jaw, lovesick girl,
sleep-sick woman i am — 
i would love to help you with that. 
i am trained to say it, 
deep in my bones.
no worries, no worries,
your face will tell me what 
to do next.
silent-raging woman, downtrodden girl,
neither here
nor there, but tying myself
with ribbon, with bows, like
a balloon or a gift,
an anchor to here
and not there. 
clever girl,
cattle-minded, dreadful woman,
sleep-heart-home sick — 

my soles against the pavement.
my palms against the walls. 
why do these mists not relent?
uncover and unclear path
to a distant place and i,
face to the sun, taste 
of honeysuckle, smell
of thyme, feet planted in the earth,
watch the bird who sings
its forever twinkling songs.

i am steady in the dirt. 
my lungs are full of air.
associating.
i am ready to see.

A couple suggestions, but I mainly wanted to say I love this idea. It is relatable the feeling of being lost in thought, and realizing holy crap im on earth living and doing a thing right now. I am a musician w/ schizoafftective I often explain to folks that a cruise control often while disassociating, I hardly can remember my performances, I zone out at my job while somehow managing it.

ANYWAYS, you capture that feeling of waking up so well, the mist the covers ones perspective to the present so well. Its a great poem thank you for posting
--bunx