Songs of Sacrifice

[Knot]

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Hi TqB.
On the understanding that I'm not understanding this ...

(Terrible title, natch )


after fire and glad slavery .......... echoes of Exodus? Should it be 'bondage' for 'slavery'?
ashes of muscle and blood
rise in the smoke of sacrifice ........ I wonder if you can get away with cutting 'of sacrifice'?
to paralyze the gods: ..................... paralyse in the sense of placate?

their insect eyes
flicker about the edges .................. 'about'?
of my knifing veins. ..................... now it's a bit more meso-American than middle Eastern.
(and?)

Night is a hunger
slit sideways; .............................. very nice (shame more of the focus isn't on this).

Emptied by sleep
I wander in parallel ..................... 'parallel' seems from a different poem.
the rain-skinned streets
the [modifier] tenement
of their kingdom come.

Within these walls
that collapse in every dream
and crush the breath
from their naked messengers
the gods must sometimes sleep. ....... this is the weakest section, to me. Do you need to repeat 'sleep'?

My egypt heart is legion .................. 'Egypt'.
to the lamb kill that dark is. ........... I think this line undercuts the strong start (should it be Lamb-kill?)


Best, Knot


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