06-28-2021, 07:40 PM
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Hi Dale,
like the idea, but it doesn't seem sensual enough. I'm not convinced that the narrator is as passionate as they claim.
Also, slight stumble over whether FC is plural or singular. 'Her' suggests singular, but then what is a single piece of china that would be enjoyed by 'many'?
I agree with TqB that L2 could be trimmed, similarly L26.
I think you might (given the title) cut fine china from the opening line.
My love is fragile,
sensually serviceable.
...................................................wouldn't mind a bit more physical description
kept in a cabinet,
where she needs to be.
on special occasions ................ might you hint as to what 'special occasions' means (to N)?
that my guest might enjoy her. ... should 'guest' be plural?
I unlock/release her ...
The subject seems to want something a bit more formal (another demonstration of N's control/power).
Best, Knot
.
Hi Dale,
like the idea, but it doesn't seem sensual enough. I'm not convinced that the narrator is as passionate as they claim.
Also, slight stumble over whether FC is plural or singular. 'Her' suggests singular, but then what is a single piece of china that would be enjoyed by 'many'?
I agree with TqB that L2 could be trimmed, similarly L26.
I think you might (given the title) cut fine china from the opening line.
My love is fragile,
sensually serviceable.
...................................................wouldn't mind a bit more physical description
kept in a cabinet,
where she needs to be.
on special occasions ................ might you hint as to what 'special occasions' means (to N)?
that my guest might enjoy her. ... should 'guest' be plural?
I unlock/release her ...
The subject seems to want something a bit more formal (another demonstration of N's control/power).
Best, Knot
.