06-25-2021, 08:52 AM
Duke,
Nice poem, but needs some editing. If you will, some suggestions.
Watched a tiny spider cross(es)
a deeply-sculpted patterned rug (sculpted is redundant)
negotiating each plateau
and ridge (canyon)without anticipation(ing)
of its (the)next upcoming valley (upcoming is redundant, time flow and all)
though it may have learned that system
by the time its that striving brought it
to rug’s end,(semi-colon not coma) flat tile extending
out of touch and sight unending
freedom like an angel’s way.
Either use caps and punctuation or don't (you should use caps and punctuation makes the reading easier and there is no good reason to not do so; it is merely affectation).
best,
dale
Nice poem, but needs some editing. If you will, some suggestions.
Watched a tiny spider cross(es)
a deeply-sculpted patterned rug (sculpted is redundant)
negotiating each plateau
and ridge (canyon)without anticipation(ing)
of its (the)next upcoming valley (upcoming is redundant, time flow and all)
though it may have learned that system
by the time its that striving brought it
to rug’s end,(semi-colon not coma) flat tile extending
out of touch and sight unending
freedom like an angel’s way.
Either use caps and punctuation or don't (you should use caps and punctuation makes the reading easier and there is no good reason to not do so; it is merely affectation).
best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.