Mountain Sojourn edit 3

[TranquillityBase]

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Hi TqB.
(A not too mild and immoderate critique).
It's a bit confused, to me and I can't tell who the audience might be. Perhaps someone who knows who Joe Romero and Sasha (no last name) are? I assumed Sasha was a male friend, but ... (not a clue).
If it's supposed to be a series of journal entries, then maybe put a bit of effort into making that form consistent across the piece.

What is 'night jet' S7? I liked dogs howling at it, but ... (not a clue).

I was going to make a joke about the Sheriff of Knottingham, but I'm humbled by the time you took with this poem.  Your two distillations are quite fine, but read on:

1.  I should probably call it (you never like my titles, but anyway) "Ginsbergian Ode From Eagle Nest"; it's pretty much an imitation of his style, which I do announce to the reader at the end.

2.  Ginsberg or no Ginsberg, I'm puzzled why the character sketches (let's call them) are of no interest.  Too sketchy?

I do agree the outlaw bit needs to go.  If I could take myself out of it, all together, I would.  The things I observed outside of myself are what's important to me in the poem.  But it does need cutting, so I will come back to your line by line and do some kind of rewrite.

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Without first reading what @Knot had to say, this is quite worthy of Moderate.

And without going line by line, the only points that stuck out for me were minor technical points - uncapitalized sentence (fragment) at "so still you can hear the flutter" and "cherubim" used as singular.  I believe that is the plural or collective, but singular "cherub" has the connotation of a Valentine's cutie rather than the awe-inspiring biblical creatures.  Suggest you alter the line slightly to make plural grammatically proper - "one of the cherubim" but a better fit for the narrator's voice.

Nicely moody, shows not tells, good stuff.  I think the length is suitable to the story, in fact a bit of weariness and wanting to get on with it aligns nicely with the theme.

Duke, thanks for the read and your corrections (and encouragement!).