05-23-2021, 08:26 PM
.
Hi Mark
I need a little help with the (meaning of the) title.
Might just be me but this feels like it's building to a conclusion, but none arrives.
Just one more couplet should do it!
My childhood home
feels foreign now somehow.
The living room
sounds hollow emptied out. ...................... alternatively empty hollowed out
Your easy chair
looks worn out from hard nights. ............ any alternative to 'out'? To avoid the repetition.
The very air
smells is rank with hidden mice.
Best, Knot
.
Hi Mark
I need a little help with the (meaning of the) title.
Might just be me but this feels like it's building to a conclusion, but none arrives.
Just one more couplet should do it!
My childhood home
feels foreign now somehow.
The living room
sounds hollow emptied out. ...................... alternatively empty hollowed out
Your easy chair
looks worn out from hard nights. ............ any alternative to 'out'? To avoid the repetition.
The very air
smells is rank with hidden mice.
Best, Knot
.