After her fall (edit 3)

After her fall (edit 3)

busker Offline

StarGazer

Posts: 468
Threads: 202
Joined: Dec 2017

04-04-2021, 09:17 AM

I like the opening hook, but the second strophe doesn't do much for me.
Shrieking and mocking are much too strong for the suggestion that they are just a bit too exuberant

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Messages In This Thread

After her fall (edit 3) - by Leaf - 04-04-2021, 02:32 AM

RE: [untitled] - by TranquillityBase - 04-04-2021, 03:06 AM

RE: [untitled] - by Mark A Becker - 04-04-2021, 07:10 AM

RE: [untitled] - by busker - 04-04-2021, 09:17 AM

RE: [untitled] - by Leaf - 04-05-2021, 04:39 AM

RE: After her fall (edit 1) - by Leaf - 04-06-2021, 05:10 AM

RE: After her fall (edit 1) - by Mark A Becker - 04-06-2021, 07:11 AM

RE: After her fall (edit 2) - by Leaf - 04-07-2021, 03:55 AM

RE: After her fall (edit 2) - by Mark A Becker - 04-07-2021, 09:06 AM

RE: After her fall (edit 3) - by Leaf - 04-08-2021, 05:52 AM

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