08-27-2020, 03:48 AM
Thanks everyone for the feedback. I agree with everything. Yes, that was a typo. The bacteria metaphor was supposed to represent how quickly humans reproduce (and say so in a sort of clinical, uncaring tone) and, without the existence of death, would cause the problems of the following simile in the next line and also the “bodies piling” image. I’ll have to figure out a way to explain in the poem.
I usually catch the typesetting issues, but just happened to miss this one. Yeah, I’ll consider making the poem dialogue instead of clauses as it might be more interesting to hear Death actually speaking in complete thoughts. Either that or change the title, hehe.
Changing the line order there at the end makes more sense and is clearer.
I usually catch the typesetting issues, but just happened to miss this one. Yeah, I’ll consider making the poem dialogue instead of clauses as it might be more interesting to hear Death actually speaking in complete thoughts. Either that or change the title, hehe.
Changing the line order there at the end makes more sense and is clearer.