Posts: 952
Threads: 225
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I'm a metal
But I'm brittle
Cause my head'll
Never settle
Call me Indy
I get bendy
When it's windy
It's so metal
It's a battle
Grab a paddle
Sit your saddle
Hit the pedal
Never settle
I'm so Indy
When it's windy
Gettin bendy
Cause I meddle
And I fiddle
And I piddle
And I muddle
Call the kettle
Never tattle
When you settle
Then your head'll
Get so bendy
In the windy
In the endy.
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This is embarrassing but it seems important. Envisioning velvet underground's 'heroin'. Thank you for your time
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hi can u please review my poem entitled "Why? Needs wants and wishes." you'll find it in the basic critique list. thanks again.
as for your poem I personally think its great it reminds me of something I would've analyzed in my 6th Grade literature class. your play on words is fairly remarkable however its a bit confusing in the line " its so metal" as well as "I'm so indy" because previously you'd said call you indy indicating it was a noun not adjective also I'm not too sure what you mean by its so metal. otherwise I think its a pretty creative poem and a great foundation to build off of.
Posts: 952
Threads: 225
Joined: Aug 2016
(08-26-2020, 02:22 PM)VikaJigulina Wrote: hi can u please review my poem entitled "Why? Needs wants and wishes." you'll find it in the basic critique list. thanks again. Sure, thanks for your critique
as for your poem I personally think its great it reminds me of something I would've analyzed in my so relieved I'm at least 6th grade level 6th Grade literature class. your play on words is fairly remarkable however its a bit confusing in the line " its so metal" as well as "I'm so indy" because previously you'd said call you indy indicating it was a noun not adjective also I'm not too sure what you mean by its so metal. Music terms, being metal is slang for attitudes embodied by 'metal' music. Same thing with 'indy' which is softer more obscure otherwise I think its a pretty creative poem and a great foundation to build off of.
I
started with the 49th chemical element Indium and tried to relate a song to my music. Indy as a name and adjective, maybe I should say 'trendy' instead of 'bendy' or 'windy' somewhere.
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