Death's Complaint
#2
Torkelburger,

typesetting note: drop the caps except for those that start sentences for clearer, easier reading.

It also might help to avoid using dependent clauses a sentences i.e., 

"No moldering corpses or mushroom clouds"

syntax: "so why do I no allow it?" Or is it just as typo? : "so why do I no(t) allow it?"

run-on sentences: "All long-flowing hair, slender figures with sinewy muscles, able to run miles at a time and read "War and Peace" in a sitting.

I think this could make an interesting poem if (as indicated in the title) "Death" were actually speaking rather than just making a list.

best,

dale

How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Death's Complaint - by Torkelburger - 08-21-2020, 01:09 AM
RE: Death's Complaint - by Erthona - 08-23-2020, 11:34 AM
RE: Death's Complaint - by Knot - 08-23-2020, 10:46 PM
RE: Death's Complaint - by Torkelburger - 08-27-2020, 03:48 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!