08-15-2020, 10:09 AM
Lose the first line of every stanza. Honestly, it's way to boring of a line to repeat.
Start with "she's lost"
Whittle down the inter-dynamic, rewrite it as each stanza as a scene.
But what would make it fire is if it took the perspective of the faults of "she" were realized as subconscious projections of the speake. So as the poem proceeds the it goes from "she" to just lost then finally "I" or "me". Just remember a good poem lives beyond fiction or nonfiction, change actual events to make a better poem.
Start with "she's lost"
Whittle down the inter-dynamic, rewrite it as each stanza as a scene.
But what would make it fire is if it took the perspective of the faults of "she" were realized as subconscious projections of the speake. So as the poem proceeds the it goes from "she" to just lost then finally "I" or "me". Just remember a good poem lives beyond fiction or nonfiction, change actual events to make a better poem.