Penelope Motel

[Valerie Please]

Yes? Tell me about this presentation.

(Note: this was posted yesterday and someone realized that a line I’d used appeared in an old song. No good! But thanks for the catch, Exit. I reworked it and have had way too much fun in the process. I think it is too long and redundant and just needs editing. In short, I need opinions. Please share yours.)

I missed you more darling
when you weren’t here.
How I longed to hold you,
your sweet voice in my ear.

But then you came back
and I soon had my fill.
I’m not homesick no more,
I’m a new kind of ill.

Long nights I spent honey,
dreaming of you.
My heart beating lonely,
my heart beating true

You appeared in the morning
and I awoke from the dream.
Maybe we shouldn’t 
have changed horses midstream.

So here we are it’s 
now and always my dear
Babe, you know I can’t miss you
if you’re always here.

The waiting is over
There’s no more reason to grieve
But I’ll never want you 
if you never leave

What’s that you said 
about forever and a day?
You can’t be my dream lover 
if you are planning to stay.

I’ll be your dear, 
sweet Penelope
Loving wife, she’s a model
of patient fidelity 

Here I sit, sweet Penelope 
welcoming my hero home
But I can’t help but wonder
if she was just happy alone. 

This poem feels like a stream-of-consciousness, (which isn't a bad thing) but I think the piece could play a larger role just like what Tiger said, there needs to be more than just playful rhymes, my advice is to get rid of those cliché lines (in fact maybe all of them) as they dreadfully cheesy.  Maybe re-write the poem, this reminds me of a presentation I wrote called The Aphrodite and in the passages of the poem it takes place outside of a motel.