A Life in Four Pairs of Shoes

[mjweise]

First, let me express my sorrow for your lost. Then I'll tell you that you've created such a moving tribute to your cousin. I first read your poem a month ago, and I was moved to tears when I hit the final lines. When a poem can extract that kind of emotion, a poet couldn't have done better.

You have received significant feedback since you first posted. I don't have anything to add regarding most suggested changes, but there is one with which I disagree. I think enumerating the different shoes with First, Second, etc gives a stacatto nature to the poem that dilutes the deep emotion evident in your first draft. Keep the original "There were ..." lines, but add dramatic impact with a rewrite of the last one, such as:
                                  "Then ... There were the old pair of sneakers"

You must have had a deep connection to your cousin. You could explicitly establish that with the following.

1 -  Add a verse leading into those about the shoes. Something like:

    I knew her well
    We grew up together
    and I now think of all the times
    when her life was defined by her shoes
        ( You should write your own. I'm not sure I like the above, and you shouldn't either. )

2 -  Consider changing the poem's last line to something like:

      I knew her well ... Just let her go barefoot.