Rose

[moxibeth]

i'm new to this website so this is my first critique - sorry if anything is repeated from what others have said !

it’s a rose.
a rose, that represents passion, & love. i'm sure people have said this, but show don't tell applies here
it’s petals are ruby red. 
the inner sides of them flame up in ash of pollen. this line is really nice
while it’s leaves ablaze green. different verb, maybe glow or gleam?


white, small flowers surround the rose. really nit-picky, but maybe flip white and small? 
twisting and curling around its stem,
as if it is a vine.
thin lines, crinkle across the leaves
like a tattoo. 
if I pulled the rose close to my nose, 
its aura would come in contact with me.
the smell of clean nature.


a day passed, and the rose was flat. realistically a rose wouldn't die that quickly, but maybe it's a metaphor i'm not reading properly lol
no volume, no energy.
arising, just the rotten smell of death,
.
the stem was no longer high of life, 
it flaked to the side, the petals 
no longer red. as the leaves were no longer seen. maybe don't describe the rose withering as "no longer red", but describe the fading color itself
the spill of mud traveled down through the veins, i liked this line a lot - especially describing it as veins
out spewed the smell of a concoction.
the leaves were curled up in a fetal position, strange/creepy imagery like this is really cool
when touched they felt stale, dry,
and the air no longer blew it to life.
it lived through the day, but not through the night. potentially take out this line? 


the rose was just a rose.
it lived, it died.
It had a purpose, until the sunrise. the last stanza summarizes it well. leaves you feeling kind of empty, if that's at all what you were going for.