Why? Needs, wants and wishes

[VikaJigulina]

Why? needs, wants and wishes

Why is it that when I speak no one listens?
Why is it that everything I say is left unprovoked
I scream and no one looks up maybe because I’m crazy or what I say isn’t interesting maybe its just meaningless 
Maybe they just don’t understand
They’ll never understand 
They don’t care to
They’re so annoying
I hate them 
I hate here
Why do I stay?
I need money
I need support
Not that they support me but 
I don’t know what I’m doing
 I wish that I could just do everything myself
I wish I didnt need them and I wish they thought I didnt need them
I don’t need anyone and I certainly don’t want them
I don’t want anyone
I want to move away
I want to meet new people
I hate the ones around
I want people who listen
I want people who understand or are interested or who want to understand
I want people who look up when I scream or provoke my opinions
I want people who challenge me to stand my ground
I want conversation over things that matter
I want things to matter
Why do I stay?
To get everything I want, I need to satisfy the people who don’t look up, who just will never understand.

[rowens]

That no one responds to your poem justifies it. Gives it merit. I am Nobody, so I have time. Now that you've said It, Say something else. This is a good introduction to the world you're living in, it's a fair complaint. What you want is more than a complaint, a leap into poetry, a justification of the ground you want to walk.
What is it that needs to be understood? That you're so passionate about? Describe it. Then embellish it so that it's valuable for even those who don't understand it. It doesn't need to be justified to you, and if you make a good poem, it won't need to be justified.
Your last line has the most poetry in it, people who don't look up. You can try centering a symbol and figurative situation around that.
Notice how many Is are there. I know the poem is expressing neediness and the contradiction, show more of the contradiction. Rage and show the targets of the rage. The I is seeing things the poem, as it is, doesn't see.

[VikaJigulina]

That no one responds to your poem justifies it. Gives it merit. I am Nobody, so I have time. Now that you've said It, Say something else. This is a good introduction to the world you're living in, it's a fair complaint. What you want is more than a complaint, a leap into poetry, a justification of the ground you want to walk.
What is it that needs to be understood? That you're so passionate about? Describe it. Then embellish it so that it's valuable for even those who don't understand it. It doesn't need to be justified to you, and if you make a good poem, it won't need to be justified.
Your last line has the most poetry in it, people who don't look up. You can try centering a symbol and figurative situation around that.
Notice how many Is are there. I know the poem is expressing neediness and the contradiction, show more of the contradiction. Rage and show the targets of the rage. The I is seeing things the poem, as it is, doesn't see.

hey thanks so much for your review and ideas. ill definitely take them into consideration in a rewrite. thanks again 
 -vika

[CRNDLSM]

Why? needs, wants and wishes

when I speak no one listens?
everything I say is left unprovoked
no one looks up maybe because I’m crazy or what I say isn’t interesting maybe its just meaningless 
they just don’t understand
never understand 
don’t care
I hate them 
I hate here
Why do I stay?
money
support
Not that they support me but 
I don’t know what I’m doing
 
        I wish they thought I didnt need them
I don’t need anyone
move away
meet new people
the ones around
listen
understand or are interested or who want to understand
look up when I scream or provoke my opinions
challenge me to stand my ground
conversation over things that matter
things to matter
Why do I stay?
To get everything I want, I need to satisfy the people who don’t look up, who just never understand.

Lots of poetic evidence here.  Most of the time 'less is more'.  The title seems a little out of order, if you condensed some of these repetitive thoughts they'd be more impactful.  Forgive my edit here I just erased a bunch of words and opened up some interpretation.  One time I had a philosophy class where we wrote essays on philosophy and I wrote this detailed six page connection between Rene Des cartes and the golden ratio and received an 80 out of a hundred, the teacher said 'you were giving us an answer, Melissa made a 100 because she asked questions'. Her 3 pages were seriously just one question after another asking why we were here, so maybe your poem is philosophical and I'm off topic.  Anyways thank you for the request

[VikaJigulina]

Why? needs, wants and wishes

when I speak no one listens?
everything I say is left unprovoked
no one looks up maybe because I’m crazy or what I say isn’t interesting maybe its just meaningless 
they just don’t understand
never understand 
don’t care
I hate them 
I hate here
Why do I stay?
money
support
Not that they support me but 
I don’t know what I’m doing
 
        I wish they thought I didnt need them
I don’t need anyone
move away
meet new people
the ones around
listen
understand or are interested or who want to understand
look up when I scream or provoke my opinions
challenge me to stand my ground
conversation over things that matter
things to matter
Why do I stay?
To get everything I want, I need to satisfy the people who don’t look up, who just never understand.

Lots of poetic evidence here.  Most of the time 'less is more'.  The title seems a little out of order, if you condensed some of these repetitive thoughts they'd be more impactful.  Forgive my edit here I just erased a bunch of words and opened up some interpretation.  One time I had a philosophy class where we wrote essays on philosophy and I wrote this detailed six page connection between Rene Des cartes and the golden ratio and received an 80 out of a hundred, the teacher said 'you were giving us an answer, Melissa made a 100 because she asked questions'. Her 3 pages were seriously just one question after another asking why we were here, so maybe your poem is philosophical and I'm off topic.  Anyways thank you for the request

hey no I don't think you're off. you definitely make a lot of sense and I'm willing to take your advice into consideration. its a really interesting point to to argue and its actually a really good rewrite. thanks

[Erthona]

VikaJigulina,

Questions are a rhetorical device not a poetical ones. It can work fine in speechifying, but generally weakens a poem.

example:

"I speak, no one listens,
What I say is left unprovoked."

Overall the poem reads like a list (a wish list). Lists are boring.

Drop the caps at the start of every line and only cap beginning of sentences for clarity and readability.

Use punctuation correctly for clarity and readability.

Avoid starting so many of your lines with "I", unless you are trying to illuminate self-centeredness.

Avoid repetitiveness.

best,

dale

[VikaJigulina]

VikaJigulina,

Questions are a rhetorical device not a poetical ones. It can work fine in speechifying, but generally weakens a poem. 

example:

"I speak, no one listens,
What I say is left unprovoked."

Overall the poem reads like a list (a wish list). Lists are boring.

Drop the caps at the start of every line and only cap beginning of sentences for clarity and readability.

Use punctuation correctly for clarity and readability.

Avoid starting so many of your lines with "I", unless you are trying to illuminate self-centeredness. 

Avoid repetitiveness. 

best,

dale

This is probably some of the most useful advice ive received. thanks a lot I genuinely appreciate it. I'm in the process of editing and as much as I adore my original poem for what it means to me, your advice is beyond honest. though it may not be what I wanted to hear, its what I needed to. al your ideas will definitely contribute to a better rewrite for an audience. thanks again.