A Life in Four Pairs of Shoes

[Poet26389]

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Hi Poet26389,
there's a very nice idea here, and an excellent end line, it just lacks a bit of focus, I think.
You could include more detail, both of the shoes (what colour were the Converse, for
instance) and of her.

Given that you've got four in the title, perhaps start each verse with a number, rather than
'there were' (which doesn't say that much).

Just a suggestion

First, her Converse, her best beloveds
- bought from x in/on y -
in which she navigated high school,
trod a path between AP Calc, English, drama
of friends and fallings out, boys and boys
and her crushes. She'd held on to them.
They took here everywhere.

Do you need 'sneakers' after 'Converse'?

I think it would be good to describe how she sounded in these shoes (and the rest).
Does she appear silently, or do they make a distinctive sound?

This is basic, so I'll leave it here, except to say in the final verse I'd recommend cutting lines
4-6 (they detract from the emotions in L2-3, and L7).


Enjoyed the read.


Best, Knot




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Good ideas! I simplified a few things in the text. I liked the idea of first/second/third, and I'm thinking about how to incorporate sounds. You'll see in the final verse I held on to a form of line 6. I wanted to refer to her coffin as a symbol of the physical reality of her death and the use of shoes, symbols of activity and personality in the rest of the poem, as a form of denial. (I could use "feet" but "toes" is a stronger visual image.)

First, her loyal Converses
guiding her around halls and classrooms
between AP Calc, drama, English
between friend drama and boys' crushes on her
and hers on boys
She held onto those. They took her everywhere.

Second, her rough tanned Timberlands
Sturdy, strong, and flexible
with which she pulled herself up mountains
when she realized she had the strength
and made her good tired.

Third, good old Nordstrom high heels
which were slightly more strategic shoes
Helped in the office on important days and elsewhere on important nights
Best with pantyhose.

Finally the old pair of sneakers
She had on in the crash.

We brought a beloved sheath dress to the funeral home
But the ask for shoes didn't make sense
It was almost disrespectful
To keep her toes off coffin silk.
Let her go barefoot.