12-09-2019, 10:03 AM
this is one of thsoe i want to change yet think it doesn't really need change. [apart from the first two lines.] the piece does capture the thrill of the moment. i do wonder if the driver would be thinking anything geometry while hurtling through the snow.
(12-07-2019, 01:09 AM)bbcashdollar Wrote: Cool
light clinging to snowflakes
snow clinging to everything not a powerful start, would transposing it with the second stanza add anything?
we had the road to ourselves
swerving across medians
spinning through intersections
a high school thrill ride
me, Marty, Red
the exuberant terror
young men crave
our battle
our turf
4 tires skating
under street lights
3 boys hurtling
towards snow banks no need for the numbers, they'd be a given unless the three lads are in an eighteen wheeler.
this is no cautionary tale not sure this line adds anything
"You're so cool!,"
Marty squealed
as unconsciously
I palmed the wheel
oblivious to everything
but the geometry
of steel towards snow