A Giant’s Footsteps

[billy]

hi Oden.

for me the edit took too far away from the 1st edit and the original but that could just be me. stanza three has too many ing words try and use some words not ending in [ing]. i think the poem is trying too hard to be poetical. imagine someone with too much bling round their neck it can way things down. brilliant to see you do edits.

Latest Version (3):

A Giant’s Footsteps

Silver scales sprout from skin,
salmon seedlings from the wind,
heralding fortune mad and wild.
Dragon wings glide on guile
while reaching for the stars
shining through the prescient path
revealing from oozing tar
a boy: a giant formed in hearts.

Metamorphosis from mite
surmounting eggshells of night,
mighty sparrow UV-red
from Apollo's truthful breath.

Rupturing tendons trudging forward,
puncturing breath only emboldens,
searching storms for skeleton keys
fighting will to will the need,
Atlas's burden, packing backs,
Mercury's boots taking tax,
preternatural impulses,
ridged cuts and foot ulcers.

Metamorphosis from mite
surmounting eggshells of night,
mighty sparrow UV-red
from Apollo's truthful breath.

Roots into unbridled passion
fund the fruit of compassion,
pessimistic empathy,
devilman crybaby.
Conscience: true ethical guidance,
pious fears realise the righteous,
power bent: serving duty,
transcending, brilliant beauty.

Version 2:

A Giant’s Footsteps

I sense silver scales slide out from my skin;
they appeared from my ventures in the world.
knowing their time is right, they come
like a dragon's fortunate blessing;
a sign that the future grows more radiant with each step.
I feel surging, spirit-defining joy in this journey,
for the boy I see arise from the tar and muck is a giant;
he forms from nature and by his will corrects himself.

the moon smiles on his strength,
his solitude in darkness gives him focus while he trains
to accept the teeth of chaos in his flesh,
never be destroyed by weakness and despair.
he may pound the earth like an angry bull out of his pain;
he may give in to the weight of the world;
he may singe his legs with heat of his speed against the wind.

Such is the metamorphosis from bully to immortal man
who lives on in hearts he empowers.

Version 1: 

A Giant’s Footsteps

I sense silver scales bristle under my skin,
They appeared from my ventures in the world,
Knowing the time is right, they come,
A sign that the future grows more radiant with each step,
I feel surging, spirit-defining joy at this journey,
For the boy I see come from the tar and muck is a giant,
He forms from nature and corrects himself by his will,
The moon smiles on his strength,
His solitude in the darkness gives him focus while he trains,
To take the teeth of chaos into his flesh,
And never be destroyed by despair or weakness,
He may pound the earth like an angry bull out of his pain,
He may give into the weight of the world,
He may singe his legs with the heat of his speed against the wind,
Such is the metamorphosis from the bully to an immortal man,
Who lives on in the hearts he empowers.