06-30-2019, 05:10 PM
I’ll second billy’s Comment on ‘small words’. The fewer non-content words we can eliminate, the better the line flows. Also, sometimes one well chosen word can replace several more mundane ones.
For example:
I sense silver scales extrudefrom my skin,
resulting from my ventures in the world.
The stanza break helped my subsequent reading.
The shift in person - from first to third - and the change in voice is confusing and the second stanza doesn’t flow as smoothly. Personally I’d like to see those major inconsistencies addressed.
Overall I like the revision better
For example:
I sense silver scales extrudefrom my skin,
resulting from my ventures in the world.
The stanza break helped my subsequent reading.
The shift in person - from first to third - and the change in voice is confusing and the second stanza doesn’t flow as smoothly. Personally I’d like to see those major inconsistencies addressed.
Overall I like the revision better
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery. TS Eliot