Honey Crisps

[billy]

silly me, i read the feedback first.

if it's about cereal why not call it honey cereal. for me that alone gives enough for the reader to to get into the poem.

i get the impression it's occurring at a school or convent at mealtime. i think the poem is added too by it's tightness, it doesn't waste words. and edit or too and i think it could shine.

Beauty demonstrated feels like weak opening
in flesh and blood a bit cliche
a musky embrace this line, short though it is grabs me and it's original
a dying rasp. whose dying rasp? are you anthropomorphising the cereals?
 
Eroded facts and figures
bask in the everlasting sun.
 
Creeping inside hollows;
a denial of instinct. this little couplet speak volumes.
 
Condemning bells peal distantly.
The suddenness and scale fail to satisfy. could this stanza be more clear? or given some context.