hi Oden and welcome to the site. you have a poem with potential for me, my main concern is excess usage of small words that weaken the poem.
(06-27-2019, 07:31 PM)Oden Prufrock Wrote: A Giant’s Footsteps
I sense silver scales bristle under my skin, a suggestion would be [from under my skin] is [i sense] needed?
They appeared from my ventures in the world, a suggestion would be [appearing]
Knowing the time is right, they come, feels wordy
A sign that the future grows more radiant with each step, is [a sign that] needed?
I feel surging, spirit-defining joy at this journey,
For the boy I see come from the tar and muck is a giant, is for needed?
He forms from nature and corrects himself by his will, his is a given i think
The moon smiles on his strength, lovely line
His solitude in the darkness gives him focus while he trains, are [the] and [him] needed or are they a given?
To take the teeth of chaos into his flesh, another good metaphor, perhaps could be reworded slightly
And never be destroyed by despair or weakness,
He may pound the earth like an angry bull out of his pain, is it [in] or [out of]?
He may give into the weight of the world,
He may singe his legs with the heat of his speed against the wind,
Such is the metamorphosis from the bully to an immortal man, no need for the 2nd [the] no need for [to an]
Who lives on in the hearts he empowers.