First Edit: Drift

[Knot]

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Hi Richard,
like the title, and the revision is an improvement, I think.

I wonder if the opening might condense to

Last week's snow is frozen,
hard as morning after apologies.
Back sore from sleeping on the couch
again, I use your gardening spade,
dirty with spring soil;
those annuals you planted
long dead. ?

I think 'gardening spade' is very weak.
That it is for gardening you reveal with 'spring soil' and 'annuals'.
Is there anything better than 'dirty'? (Maybe 'scabbed' for the alliteration?).

S3 - 'protect' seems such an unsubtle choice (maybe 'hide' or something
more interesting) and the last line is a little clunky.

As for the ending, maybe

winter argues with my labored breaths.
Our silence repeats in my head.
The shovel breaks. ?


Best, Knot.




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